


hidden depths

by iridescence (10softbot)



Series: provocatio [1]
Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bruises, Collars, Comfort Sex, M/M, Mild Pet Play, Porn With Plot, side ships on notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:08:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25133662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10softbot/pseuds/iridescence
Summary: Sometimes Juyeon doesn’t quite feel like himself. To feel like a stranger in his own skin, he hates it the most. Sometimes he needs the safety and reassurance of his collar around his neck, and he knows Jaehyun isn’t going to deprive him of it.Juyeon can feel eyes on him, but he knows he is just being paranoid. There is no way these people can see through the layers of his clothes, of his coat and his pristine dress-shirt and the silk of the tie around his neck.
Relationships: Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon
Series: provocatio [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832698
Comments: 33
Kudos: 215





	hidden depths

**Author's Note:**

> i literally say this every time, but when i say this fic was Not supposed to be this long... i really mean it. can't help that my hands just keep on typing until things get out of control. well. what inspired this fic was that very pic of [juyeon on a leash](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EbTCHXdWAAYjaKc?format=jpg&name=900x900), and because i have no self control, here we fucking are.
> 
> this fic is the first of a 3-part collab with [joonyoungs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joonyoungs/profile), because boys are toys and we must give them (and us) what they deserve.
> 
> side ships: chanhee/changmin, jacob/kevin
> 
> don't repost or translate etc or i will k word you

Juyeon thinks it is too hot of a day for him to be wearing a turtleneck. He can’t deny that he looks good in it, and that having heads turn as he walks down the streets makes him feel even better, but the city feels like a sauna and he feels like he might just die anytime soon.

When his phone vibrates with a new notification, however, Juyeon knows he can’t really complain.

There is a smile tugging at the corners of his lips and a faint blush coloring his cheeks when he reads the notification on his screen – _are you faring alright?_ A simple message, no emojis or anything, but if he stares at it hard enough, he's sure he can see Jaehyun smiling down at his own phone on the other end.

 _Just left the studio,_ he sends just as simply, then adds, _will stop by the convenience store before heading home._

Juyeon doesn’t pocket his phone again, knowing that a new message will be coming in soon enough. He knows Jaehyun well to know he won’t leave things at that, like the heat outside isn’t enough to nearly kill him.

Sure enough, not even having walked half a block, his phone vibrates – _is it comfortable?_

Juyeon coughs, his throat closing up as he feels everyone’s eyes fall on him. Adjusting his shirt around his neck as he subtly checks his surroundings, he breathes a sigh of relief to find that his only problem, for now, is his mild paranoia.

They wouldn’t have known.

 _Just a little tight on my neck, feels stuffy,_ he replies with sincerity, index finger tugging on his shirt’s high collar for his skin to breathe. This time, Jaehyun's answer comes even faster – _don’t take it off._

 _Okay,_ he sends and pockets his phone again, his face now feeling three times as warm as it did not a minute ago. He feels dizzy, reeling from the way Jaehyun seems to have eyes on him at all times, the way he just knows him so well. It’s not like he was going to take it off anyway – he doesn’t want to end up arrested or something like that.

He's pretty sure that would send him to jail.

The convenience store run feels like a blessing, the air conditioning relieving the summer heat off his body and giving him some peace of mind. It only lasts for as long as it takes him to get his eggs and juice, though, because the second he stands before the cashier he can feel his face heating up again. The girl doesn’t even spare him a glance, but Juyeon feels like he is being judged so hard he almost turns on his heels and leaves without his groceries.

He swipes his card and dashes out as fast as humanly possible, his legs heavy as they start carrying him uphill and towards their building. He's only a few blocks away, but it feels like an eternity, like the hill keeps getting steeper and longer, the building further away than it should have been.

Juyeon pulls his shirt over his head as soon as he's in their loft, tension seeping from his shoulders as he finally sets himself free. It’s gonna be hours until Jaehyun is home from work, and Juyeon wonders if he should take a nap. He is tired enough from work and hot enough from the heat – lying in bed with the air conditioning blasting doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

Stepping out of his jeans and throwing his clothes into the washing machine, he makes his way upstairs and into the bedroom. As he lies in bed, Juyeon can still feel the skin of his neck warm where the collar of his shirt had been. He raises a hand, as if to touch it, but lets it fall halfway, fingers instead tracing over his clavicle.

He can wait for that. He’s not in a hurry.

“We have a company dinner set for tomorrow,” Jaehyun announces first thing when he gets into their room, a sigh escaping his lips as he loosens the black tie from around his neck. “I want you to come with me.”

This is not the usual greeting Juyeon is used to getting when Jaehyun gets home from work, especially when he has just woken up, and it makes him frown a little. The way Jaehyun's movements falter for a split second when his eyes land on him, still splayed out in bed, is almost unnoticeable, but Juyeon sees it.

He sees everything.

“Okay,” Juyeon says as he sits up, even if his heart says, _do I have to?_

Juyeon doesn’t hate Jaehyun’s business dinners, he just hates the fact that he can’t ever quite feel like himself, hates that he tries so hard to fit in an environment that isn’t natural to him.

And Jaehyun smiles so softly and sweetly at him, his fingers burying in his hair and nails scraping lightly against his scalp – just like he knows he likes, and Juyeon knows he couldn’t have ever said no to him.

“I know you don’t like these,” Jaehyun runs a thumb over his cheekbone, “but it’s important to me that you go. It wouldn’t look good with the wives if I were to go by myself.”

Juyeon sighs. “I know, you don’t have to explain it every time. If it’s important to you, it’s important to me. Therefore, I’ll go.”

Jaehyun's smile brightens.

“You’re the best, did you know that?” Juyeon's own lips curl into a smile. “But now, tell me. How was it today?”

Juyeon can feel his cheeks already starting to warm up again. Jaehyun's hand falls from his hair to his neck, and Juyeon can already feel his skin buzzing when he runs a finger over the black leather band fastened around it. His breath shakes when Jaehyun hooks the same finger into the metal hoop dangling right from the middle and tugs on it, forcing Juyeon to come closer.

Juyeon gasps, and Jaehyun's lips turn into a lopsided grin.

“Was it hard?” he asks, running his thumb over Juyeon's parted lips, bringing the bottom lip further open and watching with intent as spit starts coating his finger. “Did I really leave it too tight in the morning?”

Juyeon darts his tongue out and swirls it around Jaehyun's fingers, eyes trained on his face as he sucks it into his mouth. The leather collar is warm around his neck, tighter with Jaehyun's tugging, and he can already feel himself getting in a haze.

He answers with a hum, but all it does is make Jaehyun frown.

“Why didn’t you loosen it if it was tight?”

He pulls away from his finger, gasping again when the hold Jaehyun still has on the hoop makes the collar tighten even further around his neck.

“You told me not to touch it,” he argues, trying not to pout. “So, I didn’t.”

There is something that flashes in Jaehyun's eyes that is gone just as quickly as it came, but it still makes Juyeon's skin prickle. He knows this is the tipping point – that when Jaehyun's hands trace to the back of his neck and fall on the buckle of his collar, he is finally getting what he wants.

“You’re such a good boy,” there is a slight change to his tone, a small smile playing on his lips as he unbuckles Juyeon's collar. He only does it to loosen the leather band around his neck, the soft buckling noise as Jaehyun fastens it again making his toes curl into the mattress. “Always so good for me, aren’t you?”

There is blood rushing to his ears and his dick, another soft gasp escaping his lips when Jaehyun bends down and kisses him, tongue sliding against his as he licks into his mouth. There is no urgency to it, in the way Jaehyun kisses him deep but so sweetly, so gentle like Juyeon is going to break under his touch.

And Jaehyun knows how to make him come apart by the seams, knows that when he puts a knee on the bed and starts pushing him down that Juyeon will do anything for him. Which is okay, it really is, because Jaehyun is just as giving as Juyeon is.

“Tell me what you want, kitty,” Jaehyun breathes out when he parts the kiss, breath fanning over his face.

Juyeon can feel his face heat up, the tips of his fingers buzzing when he brings his hands up to grip at Jaehyun's dress shirt. He pops the first button open and Jaehyun smiles, raising a hand to gently brush Juyeon's hair away from his face.

“You,” Juyeon says, a little brazen, undoing the second and third buttons, leaning into Jaehyun's touch.

“Be more specific,” Jaehyun's smile widens when he chuckles, the hand on his face falling to his neck, fingers tracing over the leather collar.

“I—” Juyeon swallows thickly, a soft sigh escaping his lips as a shudder runs down his spine. His tongue is heavy in his mouth, his brows drawing together in frustration as his grip on Jaehyun's shirt tightens. _“Please.”_

“Do you want a kiss?” he quickly dips down to peck him on the cheek. “Head scratches?” he scrapes his nails over his scalp. “You want me to fuck you?” his hand falls back on his neck, finger hooking into the metal hoop again, tugging on it. “Need to be reminded who you belong to?”

Juyeon's answer is a moan that is barely audible but still there, his eyes fluttering shut when Jaehyun places a kiss under his jaw and then another, kissing down his neck until he reaches his collar. He licks along the edge of it, coating his skin in a sheen layer of saliva, and Juyeon's grip on his shirt goes so tight his knuckles are starting to hurt.

“Is that what you want?” Jaehyun asks, lips pressed against his Adam’s apple. “Want me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” his voice is almost a whine, fingers fumbling to undo the fourth button of Jaehyun's shirt. “Want you so much.”

“Is that what you’ve been thinking about all day?” Jaehyun curls his fingers around his waist, gripping him tight and pulling him close. “Us fucking? Feeling your collar around your neck and under your shirt as you went through your lessons, is that what you’ve been thinking about?”

And Juyeon keens, because of course Jaehyun knows him that well. It’s like he can read his mind, can perfectly see how stiff Juyeon had been all day, mostly in fear of being found out. Because this is not a thing that they do very often – having Juyeon wear his leather collars as he goes about his day in the outside world.

But there is the comfort he gets from it whenever he swallows and feels his Adam’s apple bob against the material, the safety he feels when his fingertips brush against the band and he is reminded that he is Jaehyun's and Jaehyun is his, and that he loves Juyeon just as much as Juyeon loves him, and it makes his heart beat in a way that is kind of funny.

Just like it beats right now, as his lips hang open and Jaehyun presses their bodies flush together. His body feels warm all over, and this time Juyeon knows it isn’t because of the heat – it’s because Jaehyun's hands slide down from his waist and to his ass, palms hot even through the fabric of his boxers. He can feel himself swell in his underwear, and he knows Jaehyun can feel it as well.

Jaehyun gropes his cheeks, kneading his flesh as he pushes Juyeon's pelvis harder against his own, gently grinding against him. The zipper of Jaehyun's pants dig uncomfortably into him, bordering painful on his dick when added to the roughness of his jeans almost rubbing him raw, but all Juyeon can do is softly moan when Jaehyun slips his fingers into his underwear and licks into his mouth once again.

It’s a bit ridiculous how quickly he gets worked up when Jaehyun so much as looks at him the right way, he will admit to it. It’s embarrassing and it can be quite inconvenient, especially when they are in public, because sometimes Jaehyun will hold him by the back of his neck in what is supposed to be a very, _very_ innocent gesture and then he can’t get his mind out of the gutter for the rest of the day.

And then they get home, and Jaehyun fucks him until sunrise, so he guesses it’s fine. He can live with this.

“I think you deserve a reward,” Juyeon can hear the smile on Jaehyun's voice, “for being so good for me. Don’t you think?”

“Please,” he says again, trying not to sound like he’s begging but likely failing at it. _“Yes.”_

Jaehyun pulls away and gently pushes him down, until his back is flat against the mattress and Jaehyun hovers over him. It’s like he feels fire ignite in the pits of his stomach when he focuses his eyes on the man on top of him and Jaehyun is undoing the rest of the buttons of his shirt, a coy smile playing on the corners of his lips as he stares down at him.

His mouth waters. Juyeon gets to see Jaehyun shirtless – naked, really, every single day, and yet he still can’t get over the way his lean muscles work with every move he makes.

There is anticipation buzzing in his veins as he watches Jaehyun step out of his jeans, as he watches him get lube from the bedside table and make his way back into bed. There is anticipation when Jaehyun curls his fingers into the waistband of his boxers and pulls it down his thighs, and when he nudges his knees apart so he can fit comfortably between his legs.

Juyeon can feel his dick throb where it rests against his tummy, his fingers itching to reach down and stroke himself, but he doesn’t dare to. There are days when he feels bolder and more defiant than he does right now, when he will sit across Jaehyun in the living room and play with himself until he is on the very edge of coming.

The collar fitting snugly around his neck reminds him that this is not one of these days.

It reminds him of how things were in the morning, when they woke up and Juyeon didn’t quite feel like himself. To feel like a stranger in his own skin, Juyeon hates it the most. Jaehyun had been reluctant at first – there is always the risk of someone finding out such a private thing about their lives, and the collars Juyeon usually wears in public could easily pass off as chokers, but this time it was different.

He needed the safety and reassurance of his regular collar, and Jaehyun wasn’t going to deprive him of it.

With a hand on the back of his thigh, Jaehyun gently pushes his leg up, just enough to give him better access to his ass. Juyeon can feel a shudder run down his spine when Jaehyun ghosts a lubed finger over his balls, down his perineum and over his rim, pressing just gently. The pressure isn’t enough to breach, but it’s enough to have Juyeon grasping at the sheets and twisting the fabric in anticipation.

The stretch of the first finger doesn’t sting anymore, the sensation pleasant as Jaehyun slowly works his finger in and out. It’s always so tender, the way Jaehyun works him open with so much care, no matter if they are in a hurry or not. It almost makes him want to cry when Jaehyun lays on his stomach and places a kiss on his inner thigh, soft and sweet.

It makes his breath hitch and his thighs shake, to have Jaehyun run his tongue over the sensitive skin of his thigh, nipping on it as he pulls his finger out and presses two in. Juyeon's moan dies in his throat, not wanting to be loud even if he knows Jaehyun likes it when he is.

He can never live with the embarrassment of hearing himself as Jaehyun pleasures him.

Juyeon's back arches when Jaehyun scissors him open, his fingertips massaging his walls, loosening him up slow and steady. He mouths at his inner thigh until his skin is bitten red and shiny with spit, until even the simple press of his lips on the spot makes Juyeon clench around his fingers.

Juyeon can feel Jaehyun smile against his skin, whispering words of praise as he fucks him open with his fingers. And he feels so good – it feels so good, but it’s not nearly enough, and Juyeon _knows_ Jaehyun knows.

He feels his heart beat minutely in his chest when Jaehyun starts pulling his fingers out again, and he doesn’t have room to complain before he feels Jaehyun's lips press to the inner side of the opposite thigh, teeth sinking into his flesh as he pushes three fingers in. Juyeon could seriously cry, the sting of the stretch and Jaehyun sucking a fresh hickey on his thigh making pleasure zip down his spine.

He wants more – _needs_ more, and Jaehyun gives him everything he pleads for. With every small cry of barely formed words rolling off his tongue, Jaehyun sinks his teeth on a different spot, sucks on the skin until it goes red then purple. The broken blood vessels paint his skin so prettily, and knowing that he will be able to trace each one of the bruising spots for a few days until Jaehyun gives him new ones has him elated.

Juyeon untangles the sheets from his hold, allowing his hand to gently fall on Jaehyun's head and his fingers thread through his hair. He smiles to himself when Jaehyun hums in contentment, Juyeon's nails lightly scraping over his scalp, much like Jaehyun did to him just moments before. It’s a gesture Juyeon uses when he finds himself unable to use his words – to let Jaehyun know he feels good.

“You’re so pretty,” Jaehyun murmurs against his skin, leaving another love bite on the innermost part of his thigh, where he knows Juyeon is the most sensitive. It makes Juyeon squirm, a mewl dying in his throat as he tries to swallow it back down. “Always so pretty for me.”

And before Juyeon can even think to say anything, Jaehyun is pulling his fingers out and wiping them clean on his own boxers before pushing them down his thighs and kicking them somewhere over the edge of the bed. No matter how many times they do this, Juyeon can still feel his cheeks warm up at the sight of Jaehyun's cock hard between his legs, flushed red and tip shining with precum.

Jaehyun always fucking smiles, too, when he catches Juyeon staring at him, with drool collecting at the corners of his lips as his jaw goes lax. He wishes he could wrap his fingers around his cock right now. He wishes he could get on his knees and wrap his lips around the head, swirl his tongue just like he knows Jaehyun likes and gag himself on Jaehyun's cock until Jaehyun is coming down his throat—

But he knows Jaehyun won’t let him, at least not right now, or any time tonight for that matter.

“Tomorrow,” Jaehyun says with a smile on his lips as he slicks himself up with lube, like he can read Juyeon's mind. Maybe he can, or maybe he just knows him too well. “If you behave well during dinner tomorrow, then you can suck me off. How does that sound?”

It makes Juyeon a bit lightheaded, the ease with which Jaehyun just says things like that.

“Sounds good,” he answers, his voice shakier than he would have liked to. “Sounds great.”

It’s an easy deal and Jaehyun knows; he knows Juyeon isn’t one to ever act out in public – at least not on purpose, much unlike Chanhee. Juyeon is always on his best behavior, especially when he knows he has Jaehyun's eyes on him, and when he knows he can get something good for himself out of it.

Jaehyun's smile widens – if that is even possible, bed dipping under his ass as he scoots closer again. Juyeon holds his breath, watching Jaehyun hold his cock by the base as he aligns himself up with his ass. It is familiarity that makes Juyeon's legs spread wider, that makes them hook around Jaehyun's waist and makes his ankles dig into his lower back, urging him forward.

The press of Jaehyun's cockhead against his rim punches his breath away like this is their first time, like Jaehyun can’t read him like an open book when his hands come up to grip at his biceps or that he doesn’t know how to read the soft gasp that rolls off his tongue. And then he is pressing in, pushing up until he bottoms out, and the stretch stings so good Juyeon almost passes out.

There is a moment in which Jaehyun pauses, his breathing ragged as his head drops to the crook of Juyeon's shoulder. His breath, hot and fanning against Juyeon's neck, tickles and almost makes Juyeon laugh—but then he rocks his hips, drilling his dick impossibly further into his ass, and Juyeon's laugh comes off as a broken moan, his legs tightening around Jaehyun's middle.

Jaehyun is the one laughing then, a low chuckle muffled by Juyeon's skin where he presses his lips against his neck, right under his jaw. Juyeon can feel himself slowly losing his mind – with the slow drag of Jaehyun's tongue over his skin, and the slow rocking of his hips, not quite fucking him but also not giving him room to breathe.

But he doesn’t have to ask or to complain, because Jaehyun starts pulling out and Juyeon can’t stop his fingers from digging into his arms. It makes Jaehyun hiss and Juyeon loves it, because when he pushes back in, he can feel his hipbones digging almost painfully into his ass. There is nothing quite like the feeling of Jaehyun's cock sliding against his walls, fit so snug it almost feels like they’re one.

Maybe they are, honestly, with the way Jaehyun trails kisses from his neck to his jaw and his cheek, licking the corner of his mouth before licking in. The snapping of his hips is slow and precise, trying not to push him to his limit so quickly while building up the pressure Jaehyun knows Juyeon loves so much.

Jaehyun kisses him stupid, hands coming down to grip at his hips and press him down the mattress. Juyeon loves it, the way Jaehyun can manhandle him so easily – press him down, pull him closer, flip him over. He can feel pleasure running down his spine and straight to his dick like liquid fire, his toes curling with every snap of Jaehyun's hips.

“You know,” Jaehyun breathes, resting his forehead against Juyeon's, a string of saliva connecting their lips, “it was so hard to focus on work today, knowing that you had your collar under your shirt and no one even knew.”

Juyeon quietly whines when Jaehyun adjusts his hips and thrusts into him just a bit harder, his cockhead barely brushing over his prostate.

“What would they think,” Jaehyun laughs airily, trying to find the right spot again. “What would they _say_ if they knew what you’re hiding.”

Juyeon squeezes his eyes shut, lips parted as he pants in pleasure, his moans choked up. He knows Jaehyun only does this to get him worked up – planting the seed of embarrassment in his head at the mere thought of people finding out the things he’s into. It gets to him every time, his cock throbbing between their bodies, the coiling in his stomach getting tighter and tighter.

When Jaehyun snaps his hips and his cockhead drills right into his prostate, Juyeon can’t help the loud gasp that he lets out. It makes Jaehyun smirk, to see Juyeon losing himself to pleasure so quickly, to watch him try to reach down for his own dick only to have his hand brushed away. Of course, Jaehyun wouldn’t let him have it so easily.

The weight of his collar around his neck feels so much heavier now, with Jaehyun reminding him that it’s there, only for him to see, to touch. It feels so much heavier with every kiss Jaehyun presses against it, around the leather band and the metal hoop. And Juyeon can’t help but keen when Jaehyun gets it between his teeth and tugs, making his cock throb where it rests against his stomach.

Jaehyun picks up the pace of his thrusting, the snapping of his hips against Jaehyun's ass almost bruising, the noise so loud it probably echoes through the entire loft. The soft grunting that leaves Jaehyun's lips is music to Juyeon's ears, pushing him closer and closer to the edge, getting the coiling in his stomach of the verge of snapping.

And then Jaehyun licks over his neck again, but this time, instead of leaving it at that, he sucks a hickey right above his collar. Juyeon moans, the sting of Jaehyun's teeth against his skin as he bruises him almost making him cry with how good it feels, the hot wetness of his tongue soothing over the light pain.

When he pulls back to admire his work, it’s like a switch flips inside him. Juyeon can see the darkening of his eyes when he reaches for his legs and untangles it from around his middle. Juyeon moans into his pillow when Jaehyun flips him over and almost on his stomach, frame hovering over his side as he adjusts himself and starts fucking him again – _really_ fucking him this time.

Juyeon knows Jaehyun isn’t going to last long. He never does when he gets like this – frantic, desperate, thrusting sloppy but still dead on his prostate. Juyeon can see starts behind his closed lids, momentarily blacking out with every hard thrust, lips parted in a silent moan as his fingers grasp tightly onto the sheets.

“Of course, they won’t,” Jaehyun grunts, pressing a kiss to his jaw, his breathing ragged as he fucks Juyeon, chasing his own orgasm. “No one but me can ever see you like this.”

Juyeon wants to respond but he can’t, words broken into soft moans as Jaehyun presses himself impossibly closer.

“Such a good kitty,” is the last thing Jaehyun says before he comes, body stilling for a second as he unloads in Juyeon's ass. But it’s like it doesn’t even faze him, because his hips start rolling again, although at a much slower pace, fucking Juyeon through his own orgasm. _“Fuck.”_

Juyeon wants to come so fucking bad. The warm feeling of Jaehyun filling up his ass almost makes him cry, on the very edge of being overstimulated without having even gotten his release yet. Jaehyun only pulls out when he stops coming, flipping him onto his back once again and settling between his legs.

There is spit coating Juyeon's chin, his fingers shaking as he claws at his hipbones when Jaehyun finally – _finally_ wraps his fingers around his dick. He shudders when Jaehyun presses his thumb right under the head, slowly dragging it up to smear the precum that has beaded over the sensitive skin. Juyeon can feel the numbing of his fingertips, of his toes, of the tip of his tongue as his orgasm builds up faster than he can follow.

It’s too fucking much, feeling cum trickle down between his cheeks, sticking to his skin, Jaehyun working him up with quick flicks of his wrist. It’s too much when Jaehyun presses a thumb against his rim, when he pushes the finger in and Juyeon feels a jolt run down his fucking leg and back up straight to his dick.

It’s too much when Jaehyun circles his fingers right under the head and thumbs at his slit until he starts shaking, his soft mewls coming out broken and faster. There is pressure in his groin and in his temples, and he can no longer see anything before him when he feels Jaehyun spit directly onto his cockhead.

Juyeon comes with a soft cry, body pulled so tight he can feel his muscles strain. And then Jaehyun starts jerking him again, like he needs any more stimulation to come, and Juyeon feels dirty in the best way possible when he feels Jaehyun use his cum as lube for it.

But he’s sensitive already, ridiculously so, every glide of Jaehyun's hand and every push and tug of his thumb at his rim starting to feel borderline painful.

He reaches for Jaehyun's wrist, a poor attempt to get him to stop – Juyeon can barely keep his eyes open, but he is sure Jaehyun must be smiling down at him, like he always does. Juyeon can’t even hear anything past the loud beating of his pulse in his ears, the words – the _pleas_ – he means to say probably dying in his throat before he can even get them out.

Jaehyun doesn’t stop – of course he doesn’t. Juyeon thinks he can hear him coo, hear him spill words of praise that he can’t quite make out. There is pressure building in his chest now, behind his lids, his fingers shaking as he holds onto Jaehyun's wrist.

He knows it’s coming, but it still catches him off guard when he feels wetness in his eyes, in his lashes and running down the sides of his face. The next time he opens his mouth is to let out a broken sob – that startles both himself and Jaehyun.

Jaehyun's hand stills and lets go, and when Juyeon blinks up at him, missing his touch already, he can’t really see past the tears in his eyes. He can see Jaehyun's blurry shape wiping his hands clean in a hurry, the noise of the wet tissues pack too familiar to his ears. And then the mattress dips close to his ribcage, Jaehyun's knees caging him in as he sits back on his stomach.

His hands are warm when they cup Juyeon's face, and Juyeon sniffs as he leans into the touch.

“Oh no,” Jaehyun's voice is so soft, his touch so tender when he thumbs his tears away. “No, baby, don’t cry. Was I too rough?”

Juyeon wants to say yes, but no, not really, because Jaehyun would never hurt him. He can’t, though, lips pressed into a tight line as he tries to stop the stupid tears from spilling out his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Juyeon thinks he can see a pout on Jaehyun's lips when he apologizes, right before he bends down and places a soft kiss over each his lids. It’s embarrassing, really, because it’s not often that Juyeon ends up crying from overstimulation, and it always catches them off guard because they both know how much he hates crying. “Can you forgive me?”

 _Of course,_ he thinks, can’t really say, hands coming up to lock fingers on the back of his neck. He pulls Jaehyun down into a kiss that is more just a press of lips, trying to steady his breathing from the embarrassment he feels. Jaehyun kisses him with no urgency, tender in the way he holds him, in the way he accommodates on top of him, in the way he whispers sweet words against his lips that Juyeon can’t even tell the meaning of.

What he can tell is that he loves Jaehyun, and Jaehyun loves him back, and that things are the way they should be. It’s not perfect – they are not perfect, their lives are far from being perfect, but if Juyeon had to take a wild guess, he guesses this is as close to perfection as they will ever be.

There is something about the soft clinking of champagne glasses that gets Juyeon in a daze. He should definitely be used to it by now, to have his cheeks hurt from the forced smile he puts on his face every time a situation like this arises. And it’s not that he hates being here, because he doesn’t think he could ever hate anything that makes Jaehyun happy – or that, at the very least, is beneficial to him.

Which is the exact predicament he finds himself in right now.

Juyeon has a smile frozen on his lips from the moment they step into the restaurant. He has been here before, accompanying Jaehyun to other company dinners, but he doesn’t think he will ever get used to just how fancy it is. He should, at some point, because Jaehyun takes him out on dates at places similar to this, but it’s never like _this_.

There is no pressure then, just the two of them. There is still the two of them now, but there is also about a hundred other people, faces Juyeon recognizes but can’t ever put names on. Which is fine, for the most part. All he needs to remember is whose daughter is doing a ballet recital in the coming winter, whose son won a gold medal in soccer or lost a tooth the previous weekend.

Juyeon isn’t good with names, but he is good at pretending he is listening, acts like he is paying attention and words roll off his tongue to keep the conversation going without him even noticing. It always makes Jaehyun smile at him, whether he has a hand on the small of his back or is watching him from afar, so that much should be enough.

Jaehyun guides them through the small sea of people, greeting every businessman and their spouses with a heartwarming smile, to which Juyeon does the same. There are champagne flutes in their hands that Juyeon doesn’t remember getting, and the first sip he takes after greeting the fourth couple in less than a minute serves more to quell his nerves than anything else.

He can feel eyes on him, but he knows he is just being paranoid. There is no way these people can see through the layers of his clothes, of his coat and his pristine dress-shirt and the silk of the tie around his neck. They can’t see it, but Juyeon can still feel his skin tingling where the purpling bruise lays right under the collar of his shirt.

Juyeon can feel his face warm up.

There is momentary relief that washes over him when Jaehyun stops by a table and sets his flute down. From where they are standing, Juyeon has the most perfect view of the city bustling stores below them, through the glass of the floor-to-ceiling windows running along the wall. The city lights are bright, breathtaking, giving Juyeon a moment of reprieve from everything and nothing at once.

There is momentary relief when he recognizes the head of bubblegum pink hair just a few feet away from them, a careful hand curled around a suit-covered arm Juyeon knows too well who it belongs to. And then Changmin _laughs,_ the high-pitched laugh he only lets out when he is being genuine, Chanhee's shoulders shaking as he laughs along. Juyeon only has to squint a little bit to see, under the dim lights, who they are keeping company to.

“It’s not going to be all too bad tonight,” Jaehyun whispers next to his ear, placing a small kiss right below his earlobe. “I promise.”

“You should’ve told me they were coming,” Juyeon whispers back, leaning into Jaehyun for comfort. “Would’ve had me less nervous.”

Jaehyun shoulders him, scoffing at his words. “I don’t know why you assumed they weren’t. You know Chanhee is obsessed with looking like the perfect fiancé, and that Jacob never leaves Kevin’s side.”

“Like I never leave yours.”

A smile blooms on Jaehyun's lips when he nods, hand coming up to fondly cup his cheek.

“Precisely so,” another kiss, now light against his lips. “Come.”

It feels familiar like this, the six of them. Juyeon still remembers when Jaehyun joined the company, fresh out of college, a promising future ahead of him if things went well enough. At the time, the videogame company he, Changmin and Kevin had just started working for was still small and nothing like the market monster it is today.

Juyeon wouldn’t have ever guessed that he would be standing here today, hands linked with their very Chief Operating Officer.

“Look who’s finally here,” Kevin cheers, a teasing smile on his lips as he raises his glass at them. “Took you long enough.”

“You know how it is,” Jaehyun says with a shrug, bringing their linked hands up to his lips to press a kiss to the back of Juyeon's hand. “Had to make sure my baby’s pretty.”

“Oh, my god,” Juyeon groans, lightly elbowing Jaehyun in the ribs, making the other laugh. “Stop that.”

“Now that everyone’s here, is it safe for us to leave you boys alone?” there is a spark in Changmin's eyes when he speaks, his lips stretching into a blinding smile that would have anyone say yes to anything he says.

“Of course,” Chanhee replies with a scoff and a roll of his eyes. “Who do you think we are?”

Changmin turns to look at his fiancé, his smile frozen on his lips, eyes shifting with something Juyeon can’t read. There is mischief in Chanhee's eyes when he stares back at him, his lips stretching into a smile of his own before he leans in and plants a kiss to his cheek. Changmin blinks and snaps his head back to look at Kevin, then at Jacob, nodding.

“Alright,” his tone doesn’t change, but Juyeon can feel something has changed, like the world has just shifted in its axis. “We’ll go, then.”

Jaehyun leaves his side with a tight squeeze of his hand and a soft smile on his lips, and even though Juyeon doesn’t want to let him go, he knows he has to. It is either letting him go or sticking along for conversations he doesn’t understand, questions he doesn’t want to answer.

It has also been a long while since he got the chance to be with his friends like this, so it really isn’t all too bad. His _friends,_ who really only came to be because of their respective counterparts, who he can easily slip into conversation with, who make him feel a little more like himself when he least feels like it.

He can feel himself relax as Jacob fiddles with the ribbon of his red shirt, tied around the collar and into a bow, his eyes sparkling as he tells them about his kids at the school and how they are such good students. It is quite endearing to watch him when he gets like this, words falling off his lips faster the more excited he gets.

Chanhee is about to ask him something when they are interrupted by a lady dressed in Chanel, delicate pearls adorning her neck and earlobes, bleached hair falling over her shoulders in gracious waves. Juyeon has seen this woman before, he is sure of it, but he doesn’t remember whose wife she is, can’t put a name on the face.

But it’s fine, because Chanhee is better at this than he could ever be.

“Yujin,” Chanhee turns his customer service voice on, and it almost makes both Juyeon and Jacob snort a laugh. He raises his glass at her and she softly clinks hers against his, a smile on her lips. “You look lovely, as you always do.”

The giggles she lets out sends shivers down Juyeon's spine.

“You flatter me,” she says in false modesty. Juyeon can already feel himself slipping back to autopilot. “What are you boys doing here, all alone? Did your hubbies leave you already?”

Juyeon laughs out of politeness, and he knows Jacob and Chanhee do the same, their smiles not quite reaching their eyes. He already knows they are about to get dragged away and be forced to socialize with others just like her, so he does his best to brace himself for it.

Still, there is not enough time for him to psych himself into feeling alright with everything that comes after that. It feels like he is watching someone else get dragged away by a stranger, watching someone else wrap their fingers around his champagne flute and bring the glass to their lips. He knows this is him, but it doesn’t feel like it, especially when he is sat at someone else’s table, Jaehyun nowhere to be seen.

It almost feels like playing a game of chess, with every move meticulously planned, waiting for the opponent to play their turn. The difference is that this game has Juyeon sat with people he doesn’t know, Jacob sitting right across from him, Chanhee to his left and Yujin to his right. There are at least five other women, dressed and adorned alike Yujin, perfectly manicured nails shining even under the dim lights of the restaurant.

Juyeon doesn’t have it in him to keep up with whatever it is that they’re talking about, though his lips seem to follow conversation too easily, his voice soft as it has ever been. There are talks of promotions, of negotiations happening behind the scenes, the digits on their bank accounts going higher by the day— things Juyeon is well aware of but would never dare to discuss about in public.

He only snaps out of it when the table falls silent and he can feel all eyes on him, expecting a reply to a question he didn’t really listen to. So, he laughs, feeling a little embarrassed, and Yujin repeats the question like it is no problem at all.

“When are you two getting married?” he can see the fierceness behind her eyes, as well as everyone else’s—except for Chanhee and Jacob. “Isn’t it way overdue at this point?”

Juyeon can feel his heart stop beating.

He can feel Chanhee's hand fall on his thigh, fingers lightly digging into his flesh, and Juyeon knows what he is trying to say – _don’t answer if you don’t feel comfortable with it._ But, really, could he ever even dodge the question? And if he did, how long would he be able to avoid it for? It was just a matter of time until people started asking questions, wasn’t it?

Juyeon's eyes quickly scan the room, trying to find Jaehyun but failing to do so. He can feel his heart beating in his throat, thrumming right under his hickey and his fingers twitch when he thinks to bring them up to touch the collar of his shirt.

“We’re both very busy right now,” is what he answers with the most ungenuine smile on his lips. _We can’t,_ is what he wants to say instead, but the words are silent on his lips.

Juyeon thinks about the many times they have talked about this, thinks about how bad he, too, wants them to get married, thinks of the look Jaehyun has in his eyes every time he brings it up. He thinks about how many times he’s had to say _you know we can’t_ with a heavy heart and tears tingling behind his lids, because he knows his family would never accept it.

And Jaehyun never presses on, because while his own family knows about them, Juyeon's doesn’t, and Jaehyun knows how important his family is to him. Juyeon doesn’t like lying, but he doesn’t think he would ever be able to handle the look of absolute heartbreak on his mother’s face if she ever came to know about it—about them.

Juyeon knows the reasoning behind every gift Jaehyun has ever given him – the heavy watch on his wrist, the belt around his waist, the drawer full of collars back in their apartment—they are all physical reminders that he is patient, that he will wait, that he loves him more than anything.

But then Yujin scoffs, almost laughing, and it makes Juyeon frown.

“Come on,” she brings her elbows up to the table, resting her chin on her hands. “How busy can a dance instructor be?”

Juyeon's jaw locks in place. Across from him, he can see Jacob's jaw hanging at the condescending tone the woman, who does not know them past business dinners, has just dared to use. The table is silent until another woman, sitting next to Yujin, elbows her and tells her to shut up.

Chanhee clears his throat.

“If you ladies will excuse us,” his chair screeches against the floor when he pushes it back and gets on his feet, dragging Juyeon up along with him by a firm hold on his wrist, and Jacob follows his motions not a beat later. “I think we should be going back now.”

Juyeon's hand goes up to his neck, fingers curling into his skin when he remembers that there is no collar under his shirt this time around. He can feel his heart beating loudly in his ears, can’t hear what Chanhee is saying as they make their way back to their own table or as he picks up a new champagne flute off a tray and downs it in one go.

He can see Jacob's brows draw together as he frowns, and instead of policing himself Juyeon takes another glass and one shots it as well.

“She’s so annoying,” Chanhee says under his breath, undoing the first two buttons of his white silk shirt. “She thinks she can say anything just because she’s rich? Bitch, we are, too.”

“Juyeon, are you alright?” Jacob's voice is soft and laced with worry.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay,” he clears his throat, shifting his focus back to them. “Chanhee, what are you _doing?”_

Chanhee looks up at him with a knowing smile, his shirt now starting to slip off his shoulder.

“I’m trying to do something,” he murmurs, looking satisfied with himself. He trails a finger up his chest and over his clavicles, resting it right over the thin diamond choker around his neck. “Have I shown you guys the small gift Changmin gave me last night?” there is a blinding smile on his lips, an air of laugh in his voice. He wiggles his fingers, making the band on his ring finger glisten even under the faint light. “Doesn’t it go so well with my ring?”

It’s gorgeous, to say the least, the diamond band delicate against his skin. Juyeon wants to touch, almost asks if he can, but stops himself before he does so in order not to look too weird. He doesn’t think his friends would judge him if he did – if he told them about _it,_ about the collection of collars he keeps at home, under his shirts, fit snugly around his neck.

But he doesn’t. He never does.

A hand curls around Chanhee's wrist and Juyeon doesn’t need to look up to know who it is. There is a wide smile on Chanhee's lips when Changmin's hands run over the silk of his shirt, carefully redoing the buttons Chanhee popped open not too long ago. When Juyeon glances at Changmin's face, his smile mirrors Chanhee's, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“My love,” Changmin’s voice is dangerously low and he leans in closer to Chanhee, his eyes wild. “Behave.”

Chanhee giggles, bringing a hand up and curling his fingers around Changmin's tie, feeling up the fabric, clearly pretending to fix it for him.

“Or else?” Chanhee says with a raise of a perfectly manicured brow, bringing his lower lip between his teeth. Teasing.

Juyeon can feel the tips of his ears go red.

“Choi Chanhee,” Changmin's voice is a warning that Chanhee takes seriously this time, adjusting his posture and going back to looking like the perfect fiancé, as he always does.

“Everything alright over here?” Kevin asks as he hugs Jacob from behind, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Juyeon thinks it’s sweet how comfortable they are to be affectionate in public like that.

“Shall we have our meal?” Jaehyun’s voice fans at his ear and Juyeon startles when his hand comes to rest on the small of his back.

If Juyeon tries hard enough, it’s just the six of them sitting in this restaurant, chatting and having a good time. If he tries hard enough, he can feel tension seeping from his shoulders as he laughs at one of Changmin's jokes or one of Jacob's retelling of how hard it is to be a teacher to little kids.

Jaehyun’s hand comes to rest on top of his under the table, a small smile on his lips as he squeezes it – grounding, reassuring, constant.

“I have something I want to ask,” Juyeon says when they are halfway through their second bottle of wine, setting his glass down. “To Jacob and Kevin. You don’t have to answer it.”

Kevin cocks his head in curiosity, setting his glass down as well. Jacob looks at him intently, trying to read his face.

“What is it?” Jacob asks, voice too soft over the loud chatter of the people around them. Next to him, Chanhee is oddly quiet. “I’m sure we can answer it to the best of our capabilities.”

Juyeon takes a deep breath, exhales, tries to quell his nerves.

“Don’t you guys think about going back home?” is how he starts off, and the slight confusion that crosses their faces is enough telling that it isn’t enough. So, he continues. “To Canada, I mean. You can get married there, right?”

Silence isn’t what he expects from them. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, because this isn’t a topic the two of them have delved in too deep before, but the question has always been in the back of his head.

Juyeon can see Jacob's pupils shake, and he immediately knows he has stepped out of line.

“It’s not that easy,” Kevin says with a small smile before he can even start apologizing. “Of course we’d love to. God, starting our own family is everything we’ve ever wanted.”

Kevin reaches for Jacob's hand, taking it in his and lacing their fingers when Jacob's head drops a little. Juyeon feels awful for even asking.

“But it’s not that simple,” Kevin continues, a bitterness in his voice Juyeon doesn’t think he has ever heard before. “With the religious baggage we both have, it’s complicated. And our families—”

“I’m sorry,” Juyeon hurriedly apologizes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jacob offers with a kind smile. “It’s something we’re considering.”

The ride back home is silent, Juyeon's head resting on Jaehyun’s shoulder as they sit on the backseat of a cab. He feels exhausted, so drained of energy he knows that if he closes his eyes, he will certainly fall asleep. Jaehyun is warm, his cheek pressed against the top of his head as he lowly hums a tune, their fingers intertwined atop his lap.

“Did you see?” Juyeon mumbles, struggling to keep his eyes open. Jaehyun stops humming and instead lets out a noise that gets caught in his throat – a question, a request for him to continue. Juyeon snuggles a bit closer to him, tightening his hold in Jaehyun's hand. “Chanhee's necklace was so pretty.”

Against him, Juyeon can feel Jaehyun's breath hitch. There is silence, one that stretches for a bit too long, and he wonders if Jaehyun even heard him in the first place. He lifts his head and looks up at Jaehyun, only to find Jaehyun staring right back at him.

Juyeon wonders if he said something wrong.

Jaehyun brings his free hand up to his face, fingers ghosting over his jaw, his chin, holding him gently and bringing him into a chaste kiss. Juyeon can feel his face flare up, aware that the driver could be watching them through the rearview mirror. When he tries to pull away, Jaehyun holds him in place.

“I couldn’t see anyone but you tonight,” Jaehyun whispers against his lips, and it’s so cheesy it almost makes him coil, but he knows Jaehyun means it. “You’re wonderful.”

Juyeon coughs, trying to push him away. “Stop that.”

It makes Jaehyun chuckle, but he does pull away. Juyeon glances at the rearview mirror, just to be sure the driver isn’t staring at them, and feels relief when he doesn’t find a pair of eyes staring right back at him.

“I mean it, though,” Jaehyun says as he shoulders him lightly. “Really.”

“We’re gonna get kicked out of this car,” Juyeon whispers, almost a whine, crushing Jaehyun's fingers in his hold. “Please.”

“It’s okay—”

“We’re here,” the driver announces as the car rolls to a stop, and the smile that stretches on Jaehyun's lips almost radiates like the sun in the darkness of the car. “Please go in safely.”

Juyeon feels his cheeks heat up again, hotter this time, heat pooling in his neck and under the collar of his shirt. He mumbles a thanks that he hopes the driver can hear, hurriedly getting off the car, stumbling on his feet when Jaehyun doesn’t let go of his hand.

On the elevator ride up to their floor, Juyeon starts to feel antsy. He wants to kiss Jaehyun again, needs to feel him on his lips, to feel his overwhelming presence all over him – but he’s aware of the cameras, aware that there are people watching them. The last thing they need are hushed whispers as they walk down the hallways.

The second their front door is closed behind them, however, it feels like he is running against time. He toes his shoes off in a hurry, discarding his coat on the coat hanger without a care. Jaehyun looks at him funny as he takes his time untying his tie from around his neck, taking his watch off, dragging his feet across the living room and over to the couch.

Jaehyun sits down first, and instead of sitting down next to him, Juyeon kneels on the floor, between Jaehyun's spread legs. Jaehyun smiles down at him when his hands come up to unbuckle his belt and undo the button and zipper of his slacks.

“Yesterday,” Juyeon starts, throat suddenly too dry. “Yesterday you said I could suck you off if I behaved today.”

Jaehyun hums, nodding slightly. “And do you think you behaved well tonight?”

Juyeon feels like his face is on flames.

“Yes,” he says, quiet but proud, holding Jaehyun's gaze with whatever confidence he still has in him.

“Very well,” Jaehyun spreads his legs just a bit wider, sliding further down the couch. “Go ahead.”

There is a small smile on his lips when he gets his hands working again, but then he pauses and Jaehyun frowns.

“Can you—” he doesn’t want to say it. He trails his gaze down instead, down to the buckle of Jaehyun's belt as his fingers graze over it, over the leather, his heart skipping a beat. When he looks up again is with a plea in his eyes, one that he voices out with a very quiet, _“please.”_

Jaehyun pulls his belt off the loops of his slacks with one swift move, and Juyeon can already feel his heart picking up its pace. Jaehyun beckons him closer, smiling when Juyeon shuffles over the floor, almost draping himself over his lap. He undoes the first button of his shirt, then the second and the third, enough to free his neck and flash his clavicle.

This isn’t ideal – to have Jaehyun loop his belt around his neck and fasten it isn’t something they do very often, but Juyeon feels like he might actually die if he waits for it any longer. Ideally, he would have had his collar hidden under his shirt, and since that is already out of the equation, they might as well.

Juyeon absolutely loves just how vocal Jaehyun is as he wraps his fingers around him and licks a stripe from the base to the tip of his cock – every single time.

The snug fit of the belt around his neck is enough encouragement for him to wrap his lips around the head, give the slit a few licks, tentative, eyes looking up at Jaehyun like he hung the moon, and not like he’s got his lips wrapped around his dick. Juyeon hums around him, pleased when Jaehyun's hand falls on his head, lovingly stroking his hair.

Juyeon wraps a hand around the base of his dick, holding Jaehyun steady as he bobs his head down on him, cheeks hollowed and tongue flat on the underside. He works his hand where his mouth doesn’t reach, quick flicks of his wrist that make Jaehyun loudly moan every time his cockhead hits the back of Juyeon’s throat and he gags.

He reaches up for Jaehyun's hand, makes him grip his hair tightly and Juyeon can only hope this is a clear enough message. _Fuck my mouth,_ he wants to say but can't around his mouthful of cock.

Jaehyun groans as he tightens his grip and Juyeon's jaw goes slack as his dick slides into his mouth and all the way to the back of his throat. Juyeon can feel Jaehyun's eyes on him, knows he’s watching the way his dick disappears into his mouth, like he always does, watching the hollowing of his cheeks and the way saliva collects at the corners of his mouth.

Jaehyun isn’t fucking into his mouth so much as he is forcing Juyeon's head down his cock – which is, quite honestly, more than okay, because Juyeon loves to hear him moan as he shoves Juyeon down, harder and faster. Juyeon can feel Jaehyun's throb against his tongue, hot and heavy, and he knows Jaehyun will be coming soon with the way his noises start cutting off.

There isn’t much of a warning when Jaehyun comes other than the way he completely pulls Juyeon off his dick and his body stills, and Juyeon only has a split second to aim his dick away from his hair. The first spurt lands right across his cheek, thick and white, Jaehyun's thighs shaking as he keeps coming. Juyeon presses the tip against his lips, stringing him white, and he knows not to open up for him again.

Jaehyun's cum is hot where it sticks to the skin across his face, a quiet moan in his throat as he feels his own dick twitch in his pants. Jaehyun starts to quiet down as he comes down from his high, his chest rising and falling hard as he pants, trying to catch his breath.

“Fuck,” he groans, releasing his hair and letting his hand fall down to cup his face, run a thumb over his lip. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.”

Juyeon smiles, parting his lips and sucking Jaehyun's thumb in, rolling his tongue over it.

“I love you,” Jaehyun murmurs, pulling his thumb out and pulling him up into a kiss. While Juyeon frowns that he has his face covered in cum, Jaehyun doesn’t seem phased by it as he licks into his mouth and kisses him slow and sweet. “I really fucking love you.”

Juyeon leans into his touch, lets himself be kissed, lets Jaehyun carry him to the bathroom and bathe him clean.

Juyeon is in love, irrevocably so, and as Jaehyun lays him in bed and works him open, he really feels like he’s hit jackpot. He doesn’t know what he has done in his past life to deserve all of this – all of Jaehyun's love, as he pushes his dick past his rim and stills, comfortable, all of Jaehyun's love as he whispers words of praise into his hair, kisses his nape, holds him close.

He falls asleep with Jaehyun warm in his ass, a hand over his heart and the other pressed low in his stomach, his heart beating minutely against his back.

Juyeon wishes he will feel like this for as long as he lives – loved, whole.

Sunlight filters through the blinds and licks warmly over his skin. Juyeon groans, rolling in bed to bury his face in Jaehyun's chest—instead, he finds the spot next to him empty and cold.

He sits ups, looking around for any trace of Jaehyun – there are no dents on his pillow, no sound of running water, the quietness of the loft enough telling that he was left alone without so much as a kiss goodbye. He pouts, because Jaehyun isn’t supposed to be out on Saturdays like this, but figures he must have had a good reason to leave so early without even telling him.

Juyeon stretches his limbs in bed, groaning at the soreness of his ass when he gets on his feet. He has half a mind to slip on a fresh pair of boxers before making his way downstairs, deciding it’s best to just make himself a cup of coffee and get his day going while Jaehyun isn’t back home.

He doesn’t like how quiet the apartment is with just him in it, but it’s something he has gotten used to by now, especially with Jaehyun's odd working hours at the company. It’s not as haunting as it once was, but it’s still lonely.

As he walks into the kitchen area, his hand goes up to his neck, a sigh escaping his lips at the absence of one of his collars.

He makes a mental note to talk to Jaehyun about this some other time.

To his – pleasant – surprise, Jaehyun doesn’t take long to get back home. Juyeon has half a bowl of rice in his hand when the front door starts chiming as the passcode is punched in, the soft shuffling of Jaehyun's feet across the floor following soon after.

Jaehyun looks surprised to see him awake and downstairs, to say the least. He stops in his tracks for a brief second when their eyes meet.

“You’re awake,” he can’t keep the surprise off his voice.

Juyeon's eyes trail down his frame and to his hand, to the blue paper bag in his hold.

“Good morning to you, too,” he jokingly says, setting his food down. “You didn’t leave me a message.”

“I didn’t think I’d take long,” Jaehyun's brows draw into a light furrow. Walking into the living room and to the same spot on the couch as he usually works from, he calls out for him. “Come here for a bit.”

Juyeon does as he’s told, his heart thrumming in his chest as he sits next to Jaehyun. Jaehyun looks nervous, the constant licking of his lips and the shaking of his pupils signs Juyeon has long learned how to read. He tries glancing down at the paper bag again, tries to figure out what this is about, but Jaehyun only clutches it close to his body.

Jaehyun shifts his body so he is facing him, and Juyeon does the same. He sets the paper bag aside, takes Juyeon's hands in his and intertwines their fingers, bringing them up to his lips to press kisses on his knuckles.

Juyeon's heart skips a beat.

“First, I just want to remind you how much I love you,” he starts off, his voice shaking a little, and Juyeon is caught off guard. Jaehyun is never like this – hardly ever shows any signs of nervousness, and it’s starting to set him off a little. “And how proud I am of you—to have you.”

“Jaehyun,” Juyeon whispers, trying to search his eyes. “What’s going on?”

Jaehyun smiles.

“We’ve come so far, haven’t we?” he chuckles, eyes turning into crescents. Juyeon, with his heart dropping to his stomach, can’t bring himself to laugh. “I didn’t think my life would be like this, you know, back when we met. I was so fucking drunk, but I still remember seeing that pretty boy with his friends in Sangyeon’s kitchen, still remember asking if I could kiss you and how you laughed at me.”

He pauses.

“You’re beautiful when you laugh, you know?”

Juyeon swallows thickly, his heart beating faster than it is probably healthy to.

“Jaehyun—”

“You’re so important to me,” Jaehyun cuts him off, his hold in his hands tightening with every sentence, “and I want the entire world to know. God, I wish I could let the entire world know.”

Juyeon's hands are shaking when Jaehyun lets go of them. He reaches for the bag, now squished between his body and the back of the couch, and when he fishes out an equally blue sturdy box, Juyeon's heart stops beating entirely.

Jaehyun takes a deep breath.

“I’ve been considering this for over a month, now,” his fingers graze lightly over the box. “Since that dinner, I—I don’t know how to explain this very well, but.”

Jaehyun opens the box to show a diamond necklace – a choker, really, resembling one of the more delicate collars Juyeon has in his drawer, but nothing like it at the same time. His fingers tremble as he reaches for it, as he traces a finger over the band of diamonds, as his eyes start to well up.

“Jaehyun,” he can’t bring his voice to go above a whisper. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s yours,” he says as he takes the necklace out of the box, his own hands a little shaky as he fastens it around his neck. The material, cool to the touch at first, quickly starts warming up to his skin. “Because I love you.”

“I—”

“You have this now,” he continues, lips tugging into another smile, “and when you’re ready, I’ll get us both rings.”

Juyeon doesn’t mind the wetness in his lashes when Jaehyun kisses him sweetly.

Jaehyun smiles against his lips, wraps his arms around him and pulls him close. Juyeon doesn’t mind that he is full on crying now.

“When you’re ready, Juyeon, I want you to marry me.”

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: in pet play, collars can sometimes be substitutes for wedding rings - the reason behind hyunjae getting juyeon a diamond one. if you got to this point, thank you for reading! you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/changminize) and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/changminize)


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